Shinobi Life
by ronny-of-yore
Summary: Drabbles and one-shots Bin: Chapter 6: Naruto's prankster ways force Tsunade's hand. The members of Team Kakashi are feeling the resentment and Sakura gives them the perfect way to exact a little revenge on their whiskered fifth. Very slight KakaSaku
1. Married Life

**Note:** _This is basically going to be my storage place for all my little drabbles of everything from the Naruto world. If it is at any time set within a 'Naruto world' created within one of my fics, I'll denote that at the top. I find these little one-shot therapeutic. Hope you enjoy!_

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**Married Life**

"-And that's how Junko seduced the scantily clad kunoichi who looks a lot like your mommy."

There was a warning, "…Kakashi," from somewhere over his left shoulder. Gloved hands went about stuffing the orange little paperback in its original hiding place –between the crib's mattresses.

Father and son turned to the wife and mother who had just gotten home from her first day back at the hospital.

"Uh oh, looks like Mommy's got that evil gleam in her eye. Just remember what I've said before." Sakura's angry scowl turned to an amused smirk as Kakashi added in that same deep bland voice, "If I ever go missing, Mommy's probably buried me in the back yard ok?"

Sakura walked over to him from her position by the door and flicked her husband's exposed nose with impish glee. "I would never."

Soft emerald eyes looked down upon their 1 month old son, smiling. In the same cooing voice that all mothers use to speak to their newborns she added, "Cause your three Uncles would do the dirty work for her."

Tinny fingers wrapped around a slender finger, forming a fist. Sakura waved the attached hand around, playfully scrunching her nose saying, "They will, won't they? Huh? Won't they?"

Kakashi watched his wife give Eskimo kisses to the smiling green eyed infant with a familiar gravity defying tuft of white hair –that had a peculiar pink hue to it in the sun that he liked to deny. Motherly coos continued on as Sakura ignored the narrowed eye upon her. "Oh yes they will! Oh yes they will!"

A flat, "Only because your mother is very dangerous when angered. You're father is an abused husband. Thought you should know," made the playful smile fall.

Sakura gave her husband of two months a false smile and a not so tender pinch to his cheek. "That may be so, but your daddy likes her that way. It's what made him fall in love with her in the first place."

His wife's fingers still crab like on his cheek, Kakashi sighed. "This is true."

As the painful pincers were retracted, he looked down upon their son then with a wry smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "… beautiful."

Sakura received a tender kiss to the cheek. "Just like you."

….To think that her life had been turned upside down because her ex-mentor had seemingly lost his mind one night during a drunken bender with her three boys. So what if he had lost his dinner after the act? Ok, so that hadn't been so pleasant…

Ok, yeah, he had treated her like the plague the morning after and many days after that…until she had beaten him to a bloody pulp outside his apartment with Naruto, Sasuke and Sai throwing in encouraging words from the bushes. But still, he had come around….eventually.

It didn't really matter that she had threatened castration if he kept away from her any longer.

Really, what more could she ask for?

She had a beautiful baby boy that thankfully she didn't let Kakashi name Junko, three wonderful –albeit slightly competitive- Godfathers, and a loving husband that wasn't too shabby in the bedroom…without massive amounts of alcohol.

Everything was just as it should be.

Well, other than the fact that she had to keep from killing her husband after catching him reading his favorite paperbacks to their innocent little son, every time she left him alone with the poor defenseless babe. When she had said reading out loud would be good for his development, she hadn't meant Icha Icha.

That's all she needed: another pervert in the family. There were already two. She didn't need him tainting a third.

Sakura's forehead slumped to Kakashi's vest dejectedly, knowing the truth.

It was a fact that she was the pants in the family, sure -even if her husband was the deadly famous Copy Ninja.

Threat of abstinence was a beautiful thing really.

But truthfully…her hold over him was a double edged sword, a weapon that could be turned back upon its owner.

For, although she wasn't too keen on the idea of her handsome husband reading his smutty little books to their son, she was more than willing- No. She almost needed to act out his favorite passages …in bed.

His so called punishment never lasted very long. …Kakashi was just too influential.

Sakura pouted with her face smashed into the green flak vest, tears soaking into her confused husband's shoulder. _'Our son has no chance.'_

Kakashi patted the whimpering mass of pink on his chest, a brow raised. "I think Mommy needs to take a nap."

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X3- Hehehe


	2. Winter Wonderland

_Note: Again, just a little drabble not to be taken too serious! _

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_**Winter Wonderland**_

Flickering ice crystal flakes floated from the grey, cloud covered sky to the white sprinkled ground below, Konohagakure's many colored buildings resembling a delicious powdered doughnut that regrettably went straight to one's thighs to a certain pink haired kunoichi's mind.

A particular atmosphere was in the air around her beloved village that had even some of the usually grimfaced shinobi featuring upturned, wide smiles …which in turn wasn't always a good thing. For you see, a fanged toothy grin from either Morino Ibiki or Mitarashi Anko usually spelt certain bloody, torturous death for those unfortunate souls who happened to be on the receiving end of one of their sadistic smiles.

Sakura had clearly remembered seeing both civilians and shinobi alike running screaming for the hills in their wake, missing the two seasoned ninja's harmless, merry greetings of hello.

Sakura had almost felt sorry for the snake using woman yesterday on that crowded street, but after a vivid memory of how last year's Christmas party had ended for her…she promptly let any and all sympathy she had felt for the older kunoichi go.

Being felt up in the dark -under the false, drunken assumption of being one Hatake Kakashi- certainly didn't validate any use for forgiveness in Sakura's blackest of books. Amnesty was also entirely invalid to the one who had used the substitution jutsu in the first place.

Sakura still held a grudge against Kakashi for mistaking her body for a log.

The photo Naruto had presumptuously taken upon finally opening that locked door had nearly cost him his life as well!

…_And_ his left…'_berry_' by the fanged woman, who was known to go straight for the '_twig_'.

Ah yes, a disastrous occasion if there had ever been one, made even worse by the drunken woman who had -after her initial bout of killer aggression- blurrily looked the pink haired kunoichi up and down, shrugging a shoulder in a _'what the hell way' _sort of way.

Learning one's superior's revolving door policy in such a way was **never** a good thing to the… no longer… so innocent 24 year old flower that was Haruno Sakura.

A drunken, slobbering Sasuke did not count in her book. It was an unfortunate encounter a few days after his forced return that both parties would adamantly deny ever happened… until the day they both finally kicked the bucket. The nightmare that had included the inexperienced (then) teen unintentionally laying on and pulling her hair and tossing his cookies during the act had ironically been a positive in one way. The horrendous experience had helped turn her off of the handsome Uchiha, who had said he could do things to her, but never fall in love with her… for life.

Going back to the Anko fiasco…

Needless to say, a certain silver haired jounin had gotten more than an earful from his precious female teammate, after hours of hunting the elusive man down that night.

Oh, how Sakura had reveled -after creating a Copy-nin shaped hole in an innocent classroom wall- in dragging his unconscious body outside the packed academy building where the festivities had been held. The icing on the cake had been Sasuke's rare praise on her creative and highly imaginative, silver haired lawn ornament she had painstakingly arranged hanging from the large tree out front. The added white and black markered sign of _'I'm a pervert and damn proud of it'_ with the added flashing lighted trim hanging from around the passed out man's neck had garnered praise from the impressed blonde haired king of pranks himself.

Truthfully, Sakura had first wanted to make a masked snowman out of the bastard …but the medic in her had kicked in with thoughts of hypothermia surfacing.

She had wanted to humiliate him…not kill him…even though part of her desperately thought the ass deserved it.

Of course Matio Gai's idea of displaying your merry youthfulness by seeing who could wake his snoozing rival by use of hard packed snow had brought merriment to all. …Except … it seemed the fun had been taken a little _too far_ when the projectile white stuff had taken on a suspicious shade of ….yellow.

Needless to say, when Kakashi had woken up and extracted himself from his dangling position –after a steaming, golden ball had smacked him in the face and run down into his swaying hair- the Copy-nin had made it his life's goal to exact righteous revenge upon one brown haired senbon chewer…leaving the pink haired kunoichi's punishment for a later time.

Sakura had wanted to thank the self proclaimed gigolo for taking one for the team so to speak, but his later 'coping of a feel' of her left cheek had only stroked her ire…resulting in a chakra laced fist to his skull.

Genma had been lucky that night to be surrounded by so many medic ninja's in one place. Sure, every single one of them -minus the kunoichi he had sorely wronged- had been inebriated beyond the recommended point of being worth a damn in the situation… But still, TenTen had managed to heal his many fractures…somehow.

Ah yes, winter holidays in their beloved village were truly a magical time to behold. And it seemed by the multicolored lights and jingly ornaments wrapped around the tall tree adorning the middle of the circular intersection in the center of the village that it was upon them once again.

Of course, with the _season to be merry_ came the usual drought in shinobi business. It was like the bad guys of the world had banded together saying, "Hell yeah! Santa's coming to my house too damn it!"

Unfortunately, lack of work for Sakura meant lack of patience…especially with a certain whiskered best friend of hers. Instead of being content with the fact that they finally had a little time to rest and relax, the brainless wonder, which she couldn't get away from, kept coming over unannounced, forgoing the gift of cheese and just bringing along the …whine.

All she ever heard out of Naruto's mouth those last few days were "I'm soooo bored Sakura-chaaaan!" …Or even worse, speaking of his pregnant, pearly-eyed wife, "She won't put out!"

Like his incessant bitching to her was going to do anything to make things better…

But, it soon became apparent that the lack of murder, mayhem and all things usually mission related had gotten to the kyuubi container with the fiery ants in his usually brown stained pants…that he still tried to hide from her during the rare occasions the now grown man was forced to wash his unmentionables during a mission.

For, like a little spoiled child throwing a wild tantrum, a fed up Naruto had burst through the busy Godiame's door with a not so polite request from his flapping lips and more than one reference to how the Third had been much more capable in filling the Hokage position than herself.

It hadn't taken a genius to figure out how their illustriously short tempered leader -with the fists of death- would handle such a situation. But apparently Uzumaki Naruto was one nipple short of an udder.

And that is the explanation of how Team Kakashi had been unfortunately saddled with their current mission. If one could even call it a mission.

A certain red suited, bearded man's substitution solution sat on a high-backed chair on top of a red carpeted platform underneath a large tree in the circular intersection in the middle of the village; his two little helper elves and one red shiny nosed reindeer overseeing the procession.

A pair of dark eyes roved over the horrendous green …thing plastered to his body like a medical glove over a hand. The last Uchiha just knew, forced to do the unthinkable under the guise of redeeming himself, that the old woman was having a laugh at his expense. Of course, all he had to do was look up from his spot herding the bustling group of snot-nosed brats toward the seated, white bearded man with the pillow stuffed under his red and white dyed jounin shirt.

A pigtailed, chesty blonde called down from her top window of the Jounin HQ, the Godiame's cheeks a sake tinged pink. "Look at you brats! Where's your holiday spirit?" Looking down at the forlorn members of her secretly favorite team of shinobi, a buzzed Tsunade continued with a merry exclamation. "You should be thankful that Gai lent me a few-"

And with the help of Izumo and Kotetsu, Shizune pulled the easily distracted woman back inside with a loud bang of glass.

Below, a highly disgruntled Sasuke scowled at his green, foil-swathed feet, the bell on the embarrassing, bent, cone-shaped, matching green hat tinkling. "I should _never_ have let them take me back here…"

A tan fist raised in fury across the unending sea of ankle-biters, blue eyes burning with fury directed at the drunken woman's now silent, closed window. "Damn you old woman! This isn't a _mission_! This is _retarded_!"

A petite fist collided with the side of a green clad, whiskered head. "Idiot! This is all _your_ fault!" The brown and white faced kunoichi with a red plastic ball glued to the end of her nose, antlers glued to her headband, and puffy brown tail glued to her rear trembled with rage. Only slightly thankful that her leotard had been dyed a less jarring brown, Sakura continued to fume. "Because of you, the rest of us have to suffer too!" She hit him again…hard. "Stupid, Naruto!"

"Sakura, you're scaring…" Sasuke gave the crowd of teary-eyed brats now trying to hide behind… himself of all people a distasteful glance. ".._them_."

Somewhere in the background, at the end of the line, a crumb-snatcher wailed, hanging on to its sibling's equally dwarfed side for dear life. "That's puppy's scary, brother!"

Out of morbid reflex, Sakura turned in the direction and shouted, eyes blazing, "I'm a reindeer, not a puppy damn it!"

Ignoring the new found wails piercing the air; the huffing Rudolph stalked her way to the bearded man on the platform, a little red haired girl licking the newly given lollypop sitting on his lap.

The words from the little sticky angel's mouth made Sakura's down-turned lips smile. "Santa, what happed to your eye?"

The scarred eyed man, with the fake beard covering most of his masked face, crinkled his visible dark orb. Pointing to an oblivious number one, loudmouthed elf, Kakashi answered for all the kiddies to hear, inadvertently reaping his revenge on the one who had forced him into such a nightmarish position in the first place. "You see that elf over there? He tried to overthrow Santa's workshop by having me assassinated."

Needless to say all childlike eyes turned to the whiskered one mentioned.

Saint Nick puffed out his chest, making Sakura giggle behind her black painted hooves as her team leader finished with a superior air. "Now he's traveling with us around the world, visiting the children as payback to me, because Santa graciously doesn't believe in capital punishment."

There was a long silence that filled the air as the long line of little brats scrutinized their present giver's assaulter.

Eyeing and pointing to the dark haired elf otherwise engaged in a heated argument beside the blonde '_attempted murder_', a little boy closely resembling one deceased Sarutobi Asuma spoke up. "What about that one Santa? Did he do something to deserve punishment too?"

The supposedly jolly Copy ninja eyed the Uchiha prodigy. With a shake of his head, he replied blandly, "No. But he has been known to talk back to poor Santa." Feeling the charged particles in the air, coming from the many narrowed eyes burning a hole through the backs of his two male teammate's heads, the silver haired Santa gave a happy little eye crease, saying merrily, "He could do with a little attitude adjustment as well."

Taking the lead, the Asuma look alike, minus trademark beard and cigarette -he still had years to go- rallied his scrapped kneed cohorts. "Let's get em!"

There was a roaring shout of "For Santa!" in return as the hundred or so of Konoha's next generation converged on their unaware targets.

Sakura turned to her still smiling team leader, his lap now thankfully empty, with hardly unrestrained laughter as "_Ow! Ow! Ow! You damn little brats! What the hell!"_ rang in her ears.

"I never knew Santa could be so evil."

Kakashi slouched in his seat, his droopy eye watching the carnage unfold before him. "He deserved that."

Sakura, still laughing, brushed the man's hand off the thick armrest of the chair she stood by and sat down, enjoying the show. "Even Sasuke-kun?"

Watching the two younger ninja being completely dog piled by '_the future of tomorrow'_, Kakashi shrugged, thinking of the high and mighty air his previous golden child still kept after having caused them all so much trouble over the years. "…had it coming."

Feeling wholly in a better mood, thinking nothing of it, Sakura playfully slid from her perched position, flopping down onto the older man's lap with her hands on her own. With Kakashi giving her a raised eyebrow, the man's knees feeling more than slightly crushed and bruised, Sakura began to tick off the items scribbled on her imaginary checklist with a playful snap of his fake beard.

"Ok, since I've been _such _a good little forest animal this year, I want: my antlers to grow two times their size, a nose that doesn't glow in the dark, and an extra salt lick in my stocking." Having fun at making fun of the situation, she added with a wide smile, teasing the man glaring at her with a narrowed eye, "And a leader who knows what an alarm clock is and how to use it."

Arms crossed, not finding the kunoichi's words to be all that amusing, Kakashi glowered, "Do you want to be lynched like your two teammates?"

Sakura's brown and white face with the black painted lips, continued to smile, feeling entirely secure in the fact that the older man wouldn't dare turn on her. "You wouldn't."

Rising to her challenge, Kakashi called over to his little soldiers, who were finally being held back by a shadow cloned wall of Narutos, with the real one hiding in the winged embrace of his irate, cursed sealed, best friend…who was trying to push the cowering blonde out of his self made defense. "Hey, this reindeer just-"

Only to be silenced by the panicked kunoichi desperately clamping his fake beard and mask covered mouth shut with the tight press of her hands.

Above, from a certain window, the overworked, more than depressed Godiame sighed, "Ah, its better than last year's Jiraiya."

Shizune shivered.

Back down below, Kakashi pried the woman's hands from his person. Sighing, not knowing if it was the Christmas spirit filling him or something else that he didn't entirely understand, Kakashi adjusted the young woman on his lap, trying to regain the feeling in his legs. "How about we just enjoy the show, eh?"

Sakura gave him a quirked brow, but smiled regardless. Turning in her seat, her legs draping over his, she merely nodded, laughing out loud as Naruto's wall crumbled and the knee-high masses converged. Noticing the evil gleam in her first love's red and black eyes and the snakes slithering onto the ground from his back, Sakura absently spoke over her shoulder to the man feeling all too comfortable with the newly added feminine weight. "Should we stop him?"

Leaning forward slightly, watching over the kunoichi's shoulder, Kakashi nodded in the negative, arms still crossed. "He knows full well what will happen if he harms anyone in the village….again. Besides…this should end our little session."

Reindeer Sakura smirked, crossing her arms and hooves, leaning back against the false Santa with the choppy curtain of silver hair shielding his one eye. "For _today_."

The side of Kakashi's mouth turned down behind the mask, matching the droop of his eye as his snowy white, masked chin dejectedly dropped to her shoulder. "Yes, for today..."

Even though they had been handed a D-rank mission, the two being physically assaulted sure as hell felt like was an A …possibly bordering an S…

However, the Uchiha had enough apparently.

Sasuke cackled, the oily cursed mark crawling over his features, with his snakes hissing in warning around him. His evil voice rose in the air, making his pintsized opponents stop in their tracks wild-eyed…as well as the kyuubi-container next to him. "Now try coming at me again you little bastards!"

Needless to say, the crowded masses ran screaming for their mommies and daddies -who had recklessly dropped them off to go shopping, "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! It's the boogie man!"

It goes without saying that not a single child slept with images of sugar plums dancing in their heads…

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_Get em, Sasuke! x3_


	3. Always and Never

_**Naruto and Sasuke**_

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_Drabble: Always and Never_

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Throughout Uzumaki Naruto's twenty four years of living existence, in the peaceful little village of Konohagakure, two words had become synonymous in the kyuubi-container's limited vocabulary. They were: _always_ and _never_.

True enough, the two terms held decidedly different meanings. But when used in conjunction within the context of the blonde shinobi's trial-filled life…

Well, the bold lines that are normally drawn definitively become blurred.

For when one reminisces through the vast projector like memories held in his imaginary storage facility, anything that had become tagged with the kanji written letters of _always_ usually preceded another heavy cardboard boxed unit labeled _never_.

An example of such would be the fact that the naïve Naruto had _always_ believed in his rocky at best friendship with one Uchiha Sasuke. However, that very day, the distraught young man had learned his so called friend would _never_ step foot inside their treasured hidden home again. As the saying goes, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. And if that particular hunk of metal happened to be comprised of brotherly bonds, it was safe to say that one chink in the series was severely lacking.

Speaking of such, there was another memorable reel of truth that could be explored.

Naruto had _always_ held a fiery torch for the pink haired kunoichi, whose fists could shatter the bones in his body for stepping a tanned toe out of line. Yet, she would _never_ be able to forgive him after that day, much less return his largely one-sided love in the future.

At least, Naruto was especially positive on that opinion since…

…once again, Sasuke and himself would be leaving her far behind.

And this time, no amount of desperate training with a legendary Sannin would allow her black sandaled feet to walk the same ground where the two were soon to tread.

Tired ocean blue eyes reflecting the slow moving, white tufted sky above slid to the right, with the roll of a pained, tan neck. Wisps of short, blonde locks curtained his surprisingly clear vision as Naruto reached out a clawed hand to the unmoving, dark haired young man staring at the bright heavens a foot over.

With a wet gurgle from his throat, a byproduct of the cauterized gaping hole in his stomach, the oddly calm young man at death's door called out to the high-pitched wheezing one who -even now- he couldn't bring himself to fault. "S-Sas…suke…"

Mouth open, chest heaving with each desperate lungful of breath, the last Uchiha remained silent –a forced disposition due to the gaping wound that had taken a substantial portion of his left shoulder, the segment of his chest that had connected to his armpit and the previously linking limb.

Through the excruciating pain and significant bloodloss, any additional body functions were aptly rendered mute.

Extended hand, now clawless, Naruto managed to wrap his cold digits around the receding cursed marked flesh of the other's only remaining appendage. Crimson blood leaking down the right side of his chapped mouth, due to the pull of gravity, the rapidly paling jounin of the Leaf actually managed coxed his numbing lips into a ghost of a smile. Words gurgled from his scratchy throat, straight from his slowing heart. "A-Always…t-thought ...o-of…y-you…a-as..a…b-brother...S-sas…suke…"

A serious of blood-frothing coughs wracked the never wavering shinobi whose gripped miraculously remained on the other. Head hitting the ground with a thud, half-lidded gaze now returned to that peaceful vision above, the serene picture of death and love washed over with whispered, gut-wrenching words. "…n-ne…ver g-ga….ve up….ne….ver…."

The man, who had _always_ declared that the grand title of Hokage would rightfully be his one day, had actually _intentionally_ forgoed that eternal dream to accompany the brother he had _never_ had …to the other side.

With the pride and dignity of Konoha's best shinobi in history, Uzumaki Naruto took his last breath…with a smile.

…It was only highly unfortunate that his unseeing eyes missed the hot, traitorous tears that fell from the dark, guilt ridden eyes of the one whose acceptance he had most desperately sought.

The last of his life blood soaked into the cold, grass and dark soil covered ground beneath as a steady stream of warm liquid flowed from the corners of his no longer red and black pupils. With the last of his dwindling strength, the aching muscles in his remaining arm astoundingly moved. The hot sun warming the laced fingers like a theatre's spot light, Uchiha Sasuke wept for what had _always_ been wanted, but could sadly _never_ be.

"…stu…p-p…id."

Closing his eyes for the last time against the bright harshness of the world, the dark haired missing ninja, whose home in his heart had always been Konohagakure, knew that, at least in death, things between himself and his determined yet brainless bestfriend could be as they _always_ _should_ have been, …as if he had _never_ _left_…

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_Always_ and _Never _

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Note: Had to channel my gloomy mood somewhere. Hope no one minds.


	4. Never Lose That Fighting Spirit

_Note: Just a little something that had been brewing after listening to the song So What by Pink. This is implied KakaSaku. May or may not turn it into something more later on -so I decided to put it here in my drabble section. Hope someone enjoys. :)_

_**Never lose That Fighting Spirit!**_

Shizune eyed her young assistant as the two turned toward the nurses' station in the hospital's main lobby, "I know I've asked you this before, but are you _sure_ you're ok?" Scrutinizing the bags beneath the paler than normal woman's eyes under the florescent lights, the concerned woman pushed, "If you need to talk about it I-"

"While I appreciate your concern, I'm fine." Sakura interjected her situation and her lack of sleep making her irritable, "Just a little tired. Really, that's all."

Her words were the truth…somewhat. She was finally over the emotional hoopla of her breakup with Inuzuka Sukichi five days before. It wasn't like she had been in love with the blonde haired Kiba lookalike. She was only highly pissed off that the sorry bastard had been apparently cheating on her with Hinata's little sister Hinabi for the past month and a half.

But really, so what if the bastard she had dated for _an entire year_ had tossed her aside for a younger model with clan status and a Byakugan? Who cared if the little harlot flaunted their newfound romance in front of her face every chance she got? Sakura didn't. That was for sure. She had only used him to get over a certain someone else in the first place.

Still, she hadn't thought the sorry bastard would end up being the one to break up with _her_!

_Fucker's lucky I didn't let Naruto kill him…_

The crack coming from the clipboard in Sakura's trembling hands had Shizune's eyebrows rising.

"W-Well, you do have three days off starting tomorrow, ha-ha-ha!" Turning serious, Shizune informed after unconsciously having woken the woman beside her from the anger filled daze she had let herself slip into, "So _I expect_ you to take it easy for a while."

Picking up her punch card from its place among many others in the box on the counter they briefly paused before, the older kunoichi turned to her refocusing companion with a crease marring her brow.

The woman with whom Sakura spent most of her daytime with wasn't fooled one bit. She was quite aware that the circumstances surrounding her unfortunate breakup were eating away at her little sister of sorts. Anytime the pink haired kunoichi threw herself into her work with no regard to her health, Shizune always knew something was bothering her.

Regrettably, Shizune also knew the headstrong woman had a tendency to keep her ailments to herself –be it mental or otherwise.

Sakura, steadily coming back to herself, irritably scowled as the two familial kunoichi went about clocking out -sliding their cards through the automated system on the wall, "Yes, _mother_."

Shizune returned their punch cards back to their respective slots; her lips turning downward at the remark, "You know I'm only concerned about your wellbeing. Someone has to since you constantly seem to forget about it yourself. Do I have to recite the many reasons why sleep deficiency can be detrimental to the body?"

A bubble of sarcastic laughter spilled from her lips as Sakura cracked her neck with a hand tiredly massaging the bundles of nerves there, "Eh, sleeps overrated."

"Says the woman not getting any," Shizune countered unamused, turning away from the empty station, "Do you want me to prescribe something for you?"

Sakura shook her head sighing, feeling rather guilty for popping off at the mouth at her boss as the two's feet now headed toward the nearby locker-room to gather their things for the day, "No. That's ok. Sleeping pills always leave me feeling like crap in the morning," Tiredly smiling, she added her thanks, "But I appreciate the offer."

After both crossed into the slightly musky room filled with metal lockers and a single line of wooden benches down the middle, each woman turned the dial on their security locks before stripping and going about their conversation again.

Opening the metal door marked with her name, the kunoichi gave a true laugh, picking up where they had left off, "Besides, I intend to get a little rowdy and drink myself into oblivion tonight since I finally have a few days off."

Shizune frowned, her thoughts turning perturbed.

_I kept warning Tsunade-sama that her bad habits would rub off on our little Sakura-chan… But _no_…_

The straight-laced woman, sporting a little grey around her temples, sighed, feeling rather defeated, "I take it all five of you are finally in the village at the same time for once?" Knowing full well just how close the old members of Team Kakashi had gotten, Shizune smirked, "Going to spend a little quality time with your men tonight, eh?"

Over the years, Shizune and everyone else in the village knew exactly the kind of hardships that particular team had to endure. They were always at the heart of the direst of matters, being thrust into the most dangerous of missions. But, she knew it was exactly those harrowing experiences that had woven their red threads of fate together –their own paths in life not being able to sever that connection.

However, Sakura wasn't thinking of the greatness of her friends in that moment. Still in the middle of changing out of their regulatory starched, white uniforms, Sakura snorted, speaking of her aforementioned missed comrades, "What _men_? Naruto still acts like that irritating, pubescent teen with suction cups for hands and Sai," The kunoichi paused to think that over, donning her clan's customary red tank with white circle on the back, "Well, Sai is just _Sai_."

Shizune shook her head, knowing full well beneath the woman's blustering lay feelings of similar love for each. She also knew, after the girl having forced a heart to heart about her own lacking personal life, Sakura's not-so-secret open affection for one older team member in particular.

The Hokage's assistant smiled, slipping her arms through her own faded black blouse, "What about Hatake-san and -"

"Yamato-Taichou?" Sakura finished, a cheeky smirk playing at her lips. After zipping up her shirt, the kunoichi closed the locker door –her black shirts having been worn underneath the medical wardrobe. A bit of teeth flashed as she thought of the two older men in question, "They're another matter all together," Rolling her eyes, she added, "Especially when _drunk_."

Both women shared a few laughs -one knowing the truth of her words and the other just imagining it- as the finished pink haired female headed toward the exit to the room.

"I hope you know that you're the envy of many a kunoichi, Sakura." Shizune quipped as she quickly gathering her own things, intent to head through the door her young companion now held.

"Oh, I _know_," Sakura's voice held an obvious lilt to it as she jauntily jibed –watching the women pass by her to reenter the main lobby, "And I also know a _certain someone_ that statement applies to as well." Seriously, she advised, the two of them now heading toward the exiting double doors, "You know, you should just tell him." Shaking her head, Sakura grumbled, "Yamato-Taichou isn't a very perceptive man when it comes to matters of the heart." A pink brow quirked, recalling the various _painful _flirtations her Senpai had timidly showered upon the man over the past two years, "_Obviously_."

Shizune pushed through the left door leading to the outside, the heat of the night almost immediately bogging both women down as two chuunin came through the right, "Yes, well, unfortunately for us, our men seem to be as dense as Naruto-kun in these type of situations."

Sakura crossly shook her head as the two women stopped to say their final goodbyes for the day on the top steps of the Konoha hospital, "No. _Yours_ is only dense." Speaking of a certain silver haired man that –even during her time with the Inuzuka- Sakura continued to find herself attracted to, she growled, "_Mine_ is stuck on the idea of being an eternal bachelor." Rolling her eyes, she groused, "An egg _much_ harder to crack."

Shizune gave the young woman a rather weak smile, knowing her words to be true, "Well, at least you're free to pursue him again, eh?" A warm, motherly smile was given Sakura's way before the older woman waved her farewell, "At least try not to drink too much tonight and get yourself some rest. I'll see you when you return and not a moment sooner."

"Thanks and I'll try." Sakura waved seconds before Shizune disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

The guilt began to knot her insides as her weary steps led her down the large stone stairs. Taking care of herself was the last thing on her mind. Irritable, all she wanted to do was drink until she passed out.

Naruto and Sai's unexpected arrival that day, during her lunch-break, hadn't been the loud and obnoxious nuisance it usually was –the blonde having a tendency to shout her name down halls instead of actually asking the nurse at the reception desk for her location. On the contrary, his invitation to the gathering tonight had been an absolute godsend to her. Now she had a pretty justifiable excuse to drink herself into a stupor.

But that wasn't the only reason for her elation. His excited words meant that Kakashi and Yamato had returned from their own mission and that in and of itself was enough reason for celebration in her book. She really had missed them all.

Too tired to traverse rooftops herself, Sakura trudged forward into the shadowed main street before her, feeling more than thankful that their favorite watering-hole of sorts lay but a few blocks away. Alone now, the light swish of a moving shinobi here and there above the linked buildings around her, a familiar feeling of butterflies began to flutter in her stomach.

Sakura scowled at the feeling reminiscent of her teens.

_Stop it damn you! It's just friggen Kakashi. You know? The man who's already said he didn't want anything to do with you in that way? _

Passing by darkened store front windows, whose inhabitants were no doubt home tucked away in their beds at such a late hour, Sakura let herself think on the one who had unwittingly gotten under her skin over the years.

Her infatuation with her ex-team leader had started the moment the man had finally taken the stick out of his ass -eating and drinking around them like a normal person and actually associating with them outside of a mission. They had finally begun to see more sides of the aloof Copy Ninja than just his elusive face.

That face…

Sakura's eyes squinted as the approaching glow of a streetlight assaulted her eyes.

She knew why he wore the mask now and it had absolutely nothing to do with swarms of adoring females like she had first thought. His features could be counted as normal...if you discounted the scars. The one along his left eye was common knowledge, but those two inch horizontal cuts at the corners of his mouth -that made it look like the man's lips were stuck in some morbid, perpetual smile, were not. Nor was the vertical slice that ran through his top and bottom lip on the left side: the top tip under and off to the side of his nose, the bottom just inches shy of his jawbone.

The flesh had healed and melded together over the years of course, but the lines of imperfection were brightly apparent.

However, Sakura didn't care. It wasn't his face that she had fallen in love with. It was his character and all the little idiosyncrasies that came along with it.

After having pinned away for a certain dark haired male for so many years in her youth, it only seemed natural to her that those feelings of yearning would latch onto the next thing that came closest to him. It wasn't just the black and red eye that reminded the kunoichi of her first love. It was Kakashi's demeanor -the almost arrogant way he carried himself and that brilliant brain of his.

In her bias mind, Hatake Kakashi was exactly what Uchiha Sasuke should have been: the sole remainder of his clan who wasn't hell-bent on revenge, but instead chose to channel that overbearing sense of loss into safeguarding those that remained.

He wasn't perfect, but to her, he was _damn _close. It was only highly unfortunate that the man, much like her first love, knew of her own pinning but didn't rightfully give two shits.

Coming upon an alleyway between two storefronts, Sakura let her mind irritably pondered that particular subject with scorn.

_Why are you sexy bastards always the same? _

She had thought that taking up the first interested suitor –after being told no from Kakashi- would help in taking her mind off her misplaced desire; hence the blonde dog smelling idiot she had let into her bed after her last drunken binge -with Ino and the girls.

However, sadly, it was not to be and she _still _stuck with those damn feelings for her old team leader that he adamantly would not return.

Even after she had all but thrown herself at him at Naruto's birthday bash last year. (Nope, Naruto hadn't found it to be the greatest birthday present ever either, but had let things go after Kakashi had given her the big N-O.)

Hunching over, Sakura stopped in her trek with her chin hitting her chest in defeat. Then her anger overshadowed her grief as her fists began to shake. Thinking of her drunken confession that was met with a straightforward, "_I'm sorry, but I cannot return your feelings,"_ the pissed off kunoichi thrust a fist into the air, "You don't know what you're missing!"

"What's the matter with you?" Sai, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, asked with a brow raised, her wrist caught in his pale, glowing grasp under the moonlight.

Sakura's shaken and mortified look reflected in those dark orbs of his as her coping mechanism for embarrassment flared brightly in response: anger.

"What the hell's wrong with _you_?" Shakily yanking her grip out of his touch, the goose-pimple ridden woman bellowed, "Were you _trying_ to give me a heart-attack?"

Sai, taking the woman's animosity as a sign of normality, displayed his usual mask of upturned lips and smiling eyes, "I was just on my way to-"

"What's wrong with your leg?" Sakura interrupted; her anger simmering as she noticed the way the ink-user chose not to lean the entirety of his weight on his left foot.

The half-shirted man continued to smile that faux grin as he simply replied, "Sprained ankle."

"_Obviously_, but how did it happen?" Sakura, irked at the two worded reply, exasperatingly probed while immediately kneeling down to administer care to the inflamed area.

Sai, smile slipping from his features spoke of the happenings during his and Naruto's last mission –that had ended just that morning, "During our usual bit of reconnaissance, I acquired this wound."

Sakura snorted, hands glowing over his swollen ankle, "You mean, you guys got tossed out on your asses at the baths while gathering stupid _research_ for your books again?"

"Yes," The illustrator for the new Icha-Icha series beamed.

Sakura shook her head while righting herself, "Well, can't say you didn't deserve it then." After the two started walking again, their destinations being the same, Sakura relented, "Well, at least that's better than-" A glare to his profile, "-using _me_ as your stupid cover model."

Sai, unphased, replied mildly, "Yes, well, that was one instance and entirely Naruto's doing."

"You didn't have to draw it!" Sakura scoffed, running her hands through her sweat-dampened hair –it being a byproduct of the previous harrowing events.

The man's lips twisted into an evil smirk –the new expression one of many he had come to acquire over the years being partnered with a certain slightly nomadic Kyuubi-container, "I suppose, but then, as my employer likes to say, where would be the fun in that?"

Sakura wacked the cheeky bastard's arm hard, a smiling mixing with her scowl, "You two are impossible."

Sai's brow raised thoughtful, "So we've been told."

In a more genial mood, Sakura continued on in her trek to the local restaurant and bar, the man beside her exchanging conversation easily –all thoughts of failures of the heart still lingering in the background.

* * *

Sakura returned the wave the whiskered blonde gave before she and Sai made their way to the usual booth in the back.

Sliding her rump along the red vinyl material, Sakura sat next to Naruto with Sai sliding in across from her on the other side.

After thanking her considerate companion for already having ordered their drinks -sake and a virgin beverage- Sakura asked with a growl to her voice, "So, I take it we're still waiting on the other two?"

Naruto answered, an arm comfortably going around her shoulders in a friendly, welcomed squeeze, "Yeah, you know it."

Sai nodded from behind his preferred drink -a soda, "Yes, unfortunately it seems that Yamato-Taichou has taken to following after Hatake-san's example."

Sakura extracted the arm that seemed to stay glued to her shoulder, giving its owner a rather annoyed look, "Yeah, well, we all know the poor man has it bad for his precious _Senpai_."

"Who has what for whom?" Kakashi asked suddenly appearing, abruptly sliding into the seat next to Sai with Yamato taking the one next to her.

Feeling rather frustrated under his aloof gaze, Sakura viciously glared, "You know, Taichou's little _man-crush_?"

"Oh, _that_." Kakashi said offhandedly, turning to flag down their preferred waitress with a gloved hand.

Yamato, too used to being poked fun at, rolled his eyes while crossing his arms, "Yeah, yeah. It never gets old does it?" After settling himself more comfortably in his seat, the man added a tinge perturbed, "At least I still hold respect for my elders." Eyeing the other three, he grumbled, "A lot more than I can say for the lot of you."

"Hey! I have nothing but respect for Kakashi," Naruto quipped, his sapphire eyes telling otherwise, "When he actually _deserves_ it."

Kakashi's eye cut Naruto a look as he went to pull out some bills for the expectant waitress waiting at the table's side.

It seemed Sakura, bad mood steadily lingering, wanted in on the ribbing as well as she quickly put her drink down, "Underneath all that other crap we're forced to deal on a daily basis," The kunoichi's lips quirked smugly, adding "He's gotta have _some_ redeeming qualities hiding in there."

A pointed comment of, "Yes, _you _would think that," fell from Sai's lips before taking a sip from his nonalcoholic drink.

Kakashi, pulling down his mask to hook under his chin, pointedly ignored his interested companions as he felt all eyes zero in on his exposed, scarred mouth.

Sakura pried her gaze from Kakashi's eternally _smiling _lips to that of Sai's, giving the ever intuitive young man across from her a heavy lidded _shut it if you know what's good for you_ look –regarding his previous suggestive comment.

She didn't need snide musings from the peanut gallery. She was quite aware that the rest of her old team knew all about her obsession. She knew that Sai found it humorous while Yamato thought her past attempts to woo his Senpai had been rather _cute_.

_Cute my pasty ass!_

She also knew that someone, other than Kakashi himself, was completely against the idea.

Naruto, choosing to ignore his pale partner's words for his own reasons, finally ripped his stare from the relatively new sight of Kakashi's lips to the baggy-eyed woman beside him, "You know, now that I look at you, Sakura-chan," He paused eyeing her haggard appearance even more, "You look like shit."

Naruto watched Sakura's eyes turn to him with blazing menace. He hastily moved to ward off the bodily harm explaining, "I-I mean you look exhausted!" Speaking of the one who he had already tried to stick a shuriken shaped resengan through, the hopeful blonde added, "Yeah, um, do you want me to kick that bastard Inuzuka's ass for you again?"

Sakura shook her head and smacked her friend's shoulder, the reminder suddenly sapping her energy "No, but thanks for being so honest, you _jerk_."

"Ok, that didn't even look like it hurt," Yamato grinned from behind his newly arrived cup of hot sake, "Something's obviously wrong with you, Sakura."

There was an agreeing, "_Indeed_" from the two in the peanut gallery followed by a grunt from the blonde with the surprisingly non-bruised shoulder.

Kakashi, mask back in its rightful place and drink empty, turned to the woman across and diagonal from him, dark eye looking over her obviously exhausted person closely, "Been working yourself into the ground again, eh?"

The kunoichi glared, stamping down the attack of the damn butterflies again, "Tch," Looking away, she groused, "What do you know."

Remembering exactly why she had decided to come out with them in the first place, Sakura downed her drink, "Anyway, I've got tomorrow off!" Flashing her teeth, her nice buzz made the fierceness in her come forward, "So, you bastards better be prepared!"

"To end up carrying you back to your place tonight?" Kakashi alleged, having had the responsibility thrust upon him at least once in the past.

Sakura gave quick nod, "_Damn straight_."

Kakashi gave her an eye-crease, making her scowl, "Not it."

"Not it," Sai chimed.

Yamato's bland, "Not it" left Naruto, still brightly holding a torch for his Sakura-chan, grinning widely, "I _so_ call it."

"Uh-uh," Sakura drunkenly shook her head in the negative, having proof in the past that her _'virtue'_ would be in serious jeopardy in the blonde's roaming hands, "I've told you before, you perv. I am _not_ waking up half-naked with you're sorry ass drooling all over me again."

"_Aw_," Naruto pouted, his excitement dwindling, "That's too harsh, Sakura-chan."

"But true," Sai smiled, having witnessed the events first hand.

Sakura rounded on the pale ninja, remembering that little tidbit, "How come you didn't try to stop him, eh?"

"Because what would be the-"

"-fun in that?" Sakura angrily finished for him, kicking Sai in the shins beneath the table with the hard tips of her black sandals.

With Sai rubbing his abused legs, Naruto purposely commented, taking pleasure in the fact that he knew his words held truth, "Well, if you're gonna go by that logic, that means nobody here is safe with you, but Kakashi."

Yamato, rather affronted, raised a brown brow as Sakura hit the jealous blonde upside the head, "Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?"

Naruto slowly looked the wood-user over, the jury still being out on that one -in his mind, "Hm…"

"_Eh!_" The wood-user exclaimed, sorely disturbed. "I've never once shown any objectable behavior toward Sakura before."

"_Yet_," Naruto added, "You've never really been given the chance, so I don't know if you would or not." Tightening the arms crossed over his broad chest, the kyuubi-container absolutely leaked with pomposity, "Its better if the situation never presents its self."

Sakura smacked him upside the head yet again, "Stop talking like you know anything, Idiot! Yamato-Taichou would never touch a hair on my head, nor would Sai for that matter. Not everybody is a little pervert like you, you know."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto disgustedly grumbled, giving the illustrator for his inherited _Icha Icha_ series the stink eye, "I don't know about Yamato-Taichou still, but _Sai-bastard would_." The blonde turned to the smiling idiot with slitted-eyes, "You don't know him like I do."

Sakura rolled her eyes as Naruto continued to glower, "Sai would never-"

"To be honest, I probably would if given the chance," Sai chimed in as he continued in his usual detached voice, "Of course it would be for research purposes only and not for personal enjoyment."

The two's biggest fan looked up intrigued, "Is that so?"

Sakura kicked Kakashi in the shins under the table rather hard, making sure it hurt.

_You'll say not to me, but not to that eh? Bastard!_

Naruto, slightly irked at the silver haired man being interested so, abruptly spoke up displeased, "Alright, Kakashi is out too!" Turning to the woman beside him, he informed peevishly, "That means you can't get tanked like the rest of us Sakura-chan, so you better enjoy that last glass."

Sakura, right in front of his face, purposely drained the rest of her drink in one felswoop. Then, signaling for her next round to their usual waitress across the room, she hissed appreciatively, "Ha, think again buddy!"

The already inebriated kunoichi spoke up, flicking her eyes between the man beside her and Sai, "Well, since you two are _definitely_ out of the question _from now on_, I guess I'm left in the hands of Taichou or his _Senpai_." Taking her new drink from the waitress, she added, "So there!"

Naruto moped in his place, feeling life was completely unfair. First, the woman, he still held a torch for, had spent her entire early teens obsessing over their teammate -whose whereabouts were still unknown. Now, the kunoichi, forever out of his reach, had fallen for the older version of Uchiha Sasuke –minus the bloody fixation with fraternal revenge of course. She had even went out with that damn Inuzuka just to try to forget about him!

_Why couldn't she have taken me up on my offer, huh? Stupid Kakashi…_

Naruto absolutely _hated_ the stigma she had forcefully laid upon him -that label of little brother with a penchant for incestuous perversion who she thought was rather cute in a way but would _never_ actually sleep with.

Still, a shinobi known never to back down, Naruto just figured she would ultimately come to her senses someday and left it at that. Besides, all was right with his world as long as their ex-team leader continued to show little to no interest. Blue eyes squinted even more at their seemingly unawares target.

_Don't you even think about it Kakashi..._

Crossing a leg under the table, Yamato chose to comment on their last bit of conversation, "Well, I nominate Kakashi for accompanying our little Sakura-chan home for the night." Steeling himself for the incoming embarrassment, doing so for the kunoichi's sake, Yamato ignored Kakashi's look of death to add, "Senpai probably _is_ the safest bet among us."

"So you _would_ touch her!" Naruto arrogantly turned and exclaimed, relishing in being right for once –completely forgetting about his previous mournful woe, "I _knew_ it!"

Yamato looked away, a visible heat creeping to his cheeks, mixing with the one already slowly spreading from the consumption of alcohol –not exactly lying, "Well, liquor has been known to make even the strongest man do unexpected things at times."

Sakura, feeling rather _unsettled_ at the topic, turned the conversation to a new direction, one that would embarrass someone other than herself, "Yeah, like getting the two _questionably_ heterosexual males at this table to kiss for a hundred ryo."

Naruto balked, "What do you mean _questionable_? I'll have you know-"

"You _willingly_ kissed Sai, Naruto." Kakashi deadpanned.

The man in question floundered, his features exceeding Yamato's in its redness, "Yeah, but it was for a lot of money!" Incredulous he added, trying to help his cause, "Do you even _know_ how much ramen a hundred ryo can buy?"

"Enough to wash the disgusting taste of you from my mouth?" Sai asked rather innocently making the others around them chuckle.

"Hey-!" Naruto began, but was quickly interrupted by Sakura.

"Yeah, Naruto, no one said you had to use _tongue_," the kunoichi snorted rather unladylike, the image of Naruto's fish-lips all but swallowing Sai's face whole dancing in her head.

Naruto, rather sheepish now, looked away, "Yeah, well, when I do something, you know I _never_ half-ass it."

"_Apparently_," Kakashi's voice portrayed his disdain at having been subjected to such indecency during their last gathering a month before.

Naruto crossed his arms and pouted yet again, turning his ire back on an irritatingly unaffected Sai, "You _know_ you liked it." Turning to the rest of the group, he growled behind his drink, "Besides, you bastards know I don't go around kissing just anybody!"

"No, just other men." Yamato's statement had Sakura snickering and Sai and Kakashi shaking their heads.

Naruto took a deep chug from his drink and then promptly sulked even more than before, if that was even possible, "Hey, why is it always _me_ being made fun of here?"

"Because you make yourself such the easy target," Sai spoke up, voicing the other's sentiments much to Naruto's great displeasure.

"Gee, thanks," the blonde brooded, his shoulders slumping further.

Sai's smile widened, "You're welcome."

Sakura, having fun adding to her friend's list of misery, reminded, "You know, that makes two guys you've kissed so far Naruto. Is there something you're not telling us?"

Naruto hung his head, blanching at her words and the memory of that very first kiss –a forced press of the lips to a certain Uchiha, "Sakura-chan that's a _low blow_."

The kunoichi pat his shoulder as the three men around her shook their heads with barely suppressed laughter.

Sai's next words, however, had the grin falling from Sakura's face, "Isn't that two people over your own count there, Sakura?"

The kunoichi bristled, "Are you trying to insinuate something there, you smarmy bastard? I'll have you know I've kissed lots of guys in my time!" Hitting Naruto upside his spiky blonde head again, she growled, "And those drunken fish lips of yours while I was passed out _don't_ count!"

The hopeful blonde kindly offered, underneath his protect barrier of crossed limbs, "You know, I could do it for real this time if you-"

"No thanks, Idiot!" Sakura bellowed, stopping Naruto in his tracks.

Her little brother of sorts just shrugged it off, picking up his drink again, figuring at least he had tried.

Yamato, always finding entertainment in the three younger shinobi's amusing antics smirked, "You know, Naruto, I'm surprised you haven't found yourself a girlfriend yet. Or have you too many to count outside the village these days?"

Naruto coyly looked away as Sakura threw Yamato's words right back at him, "Well, I'm surprised you haven't found yourself a nice little kunoichi to settle down with, Taichou," Waggling her eyebrows playfully, she admitted, "I know a certain someone who wouldn't mind helping you with that."

All four men at the table turned to her wide-eyed, making the kunoichi irritably frown, "Come _on_," The drink making her brazen; Sakura growled while glaring into certain scared features, "You all should know better by now." After tipping back her drink, she hissed, "Geez. I was talking about someone else. You know my _mentor_."

"You mean Baa-chan? Man, that's just," Naruto's face scrunched up repulsed while turning to an unimpressed Yamato, "_Ew_!"

Sakura hit him upside the head, explaining, "No, Idiot. I meant Shizune."

This time Yamato's cheeks really did turn a pink hue as he nervously scratched the tip of his nose looking away, "Well, I don't know about that…"

Sakura jut her chin in Kakashi's direction, instructing none-too-quietly, "Eh, he listens to you! Tell him that he needs to finally settle down."

Kakashi turned an eye to his partner, "You need not settle down."

Sakura's foot aimed for the man's shin, but unfortunately the highly alert man moved out of the way.

Legs dangling in the isle off to the side now, turned at the waist to address her, Kakashi said, "He can do as he pleases," Looking away, misshapen lips mumbled behind cloth, "Even though he's spoken along those same lines himself once or twice."

Yamato spit out the drink he had just taken a sip from all over the table, "Damn it, Senpai! You said you would never repeat that!"

Naruto chimed in, wiping the front of his trademark orange and black jacket with a fistful of napkins, "What are you getting all bent out of shape for, eh Taichou? It's kind of obvious."

Sai, agreed, "Yes, even Naruto figured it out."

"Hey!" The blonde fumed.

Sakura ignored Naruto's outburst and spoke up, "Taichou, you should really just come out and tell her. I mean, it's obvious you both like each other." Raising a brow she asked with pursed lips, "_What_ are you waitingfor?"

Sai smirked in his place, "One can only hope he doesn't get rejected the same as you, eh, Sakura?"

"You're dead, fucker!" Sakura roared, reaching across Naruto who immediately moved to block her path while trying to hold her back.

The scuffle lasted for all of a minute before Sakura finally pulled herself together with Naruto a little more worse for wear.

After getting her to settle down, Naruto wiped a bruised brow saying, "Yeah, Sakura-chan's right. I think you should tell her. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?"

Surprisingly, Kakashi was the one who spoke up –while whipping out his trademark book, "Marital chains and _devil-spawn_, do you even need to ask?"

Yamato chuckled as he watched Sakura send a flaming glare his senpai's way that could have burnt lesser shinobi to a crisp. The man's eyes turned sappily doe-eyed as he inwardly sighed.

_They would be so cute together…_

The young kunoichi's lingering attraction to his partner -even after being refused- was pretty apparent.

Regretfully, Yamato was quite aware that Kakashi knew this as well, and purposely chose not to comment on it for his own reasons. It had become glaringly obvious to all that Kakashi was the type of man who would rather read about romance and relationships than actually start one of his own –the man's cut lips going mum every time Yamato tried to breach the subject with him during missions.

Sakura took a long chug of her drink, its burning liquid steadily giving her courage and adding to the sarcasm, "And here we were wondering why you've never found yourself a woman." Rolling her eyes, she commented perturbed, "Well, there's no questioning _that_ now."

Naruto, feeling somewhat relieved in having Kakashi's ideology repeated aloud for his love to hear, said, "Well, Kakashi is Kakashi. It'd be pretty creepy seeing him all googley-eyed over some chick."

He shivered comically making Sakura bristle.

Both Sai and Yamato voiced their like opinions simultaneously while smiling, "I'd have to agree."

Sakura continued to watch the aloof man voicing her own agreement, but for reasons of her own, "Yeah, well, I guess I'd have to agree there. I mean I'd hate to see him all sparkly-eyed-" Emerald eyes looked away, "over _anybody_."

_But me!_

Sai looked like he was about to open his mouth again, but the burning flames in Sakura's gaze as she snapped her neck in his direction silenced any comments he was about to furnish.

Yamato, hummed in his seat, "It's a shame really. I think Senpai would make a good catch."

Naruto blanched, "Please don't say weird stuff like that Taichou, I'll start to lose even more respect for you."

Yamato rebuked, "There's _nothing_ homosexualin that statement. I was clearly stating a personal opinion based on Senpai's talent and ability as a shinobi of the Leaf."

Kakashi spoke up, voice carrying from behind his pages, "Although I appreciate the sentiment, Tenzou, I have to agree with Naruto on this one."

Yamato gave the man his own version of the stink-eye from behind the little orange and black paperback, questioning exactly why he looked up to Hatake Kakashi in the first place.

Sakura shook her head with arrogance, "I have to kind of agree, yet disagree." Smugly she added, "_I_ think there's a kunoichi out there that could make Kakashi change his mind about things and make _him_ feel like the lucky one for a change." A grumbled, "Sorry bastard," followed.

Naruto, not liking where this was going, asked, "Oh really?" Knowing she didn't have the guts to actually say it out loud, he further inquired, "And where might this _mysterious kunoichi_ with the amazing skills be?"

Sakura, in a fighting mood, glared hard at the side of Kakashi's obviously not listening person, "I don't know. But I _know_ she's out there!"

Sai, yet again, moved to say something in return, but Sakura kicked him in the shins before he could even get a word out.

Kakashi finally spoke up -still turned away, voicing his own opinion on the matter, "I _highly_ doubt that."

Yamato shook his head as the kunoichi scowled at the side of the man's face again; her eyes barely slits, "Oh yeah? We'll just see about that."

"Then, I believe you're in for a long wait," Kakashi provoked, still turned away.

Naruto, jealous but not wanting to see the figurative horns and fangs sprout from the woman known to start fights when drunk, tried to diffuse the situation, "Y-You know, you shouldn't riled her up like that, Kakashi. Y-You know how she gets when she's dru-"

Sakura back handed his nose, "Shut it, you!"

Naruto bellowed to Kakashi, rubbing his raw spot, ""See what you did!"

Kakashi pointedly ignored him as he turned to Sakura who was pointedly throwing back another drink in infuriated silence, "Don't you think you should be slowing down a little on that?"

"Don't you think you should mind your own busi-" Sakura's speech cut short as her emerald eyes took in the two familiar figures coming through the double doors to the bar in that moment.

Pearly eyes met her own as a curse fell from her scowling lips, "_Bitch_."

The entire table turned to the new couple standing at the front of the room who were looking for a place to sit in the crowded area.

Every eye at Sakura's table narrowed on the image of the oblivious blonde Inuzuka clansman.

The moment the woman on his arm nudged his side and boldly pointed at a certain table's direction, the blonde turned pale and began to sweat under the five's heated gazes.

Sakura flipped the frozen male the bird seconds before he began pulling his new other half back out the doorway.

"The nerve of young people these days," Yamato began, shaking his head.

Naruto sighed, a pout on his lips "I should've at least thrown something at him."

Sai, sent a true smile in Sakura's direction, "That was a nice form of hello you sent him, Sakura."

The kunoichi smiled in return, "Think so?" Scrunching her nose playfully she added, "Thanks."

Kakashi's words had her scowl returning, however, "So, that's the one he traded you in for, eh?"

The drink in her hand suddenly shattered as Yamato chastised, "Senpai!"

Naruto was two seconds away from holding the blood-lusting kunoichi back, but the silver haired man's next words completely rectified the situation, "Seems he's either blind or has extremely bad taste."

Sakura's stomach deliciously flipped even as she wiped herself and the table off. Still, her voice did not betray the elation she felt, more like sarcasm. "You certainly know how to sweet talk a lady, don't 'cha?"

Kakashi gave her an eye-crease in return.

* * *

By the time the five friends of sorts began to finally wind down, Sakura was three-sheets to the wind and feeling damn good. Her mood had shifted in course as well; taking a more _I don't need to know who the hell you are to know I love you_ approach.

It went without saying that Naruto's not so subtle attempts to get her alone had been foiled countless times by Yamato and a reluctant Kakashi -with Sai just watching mind you.

After the fourth time the kyuubi-container had tried to leave the table when Sakura had wobbly went off to the ladies room, the rest decided it was time to call an end to their night outing. For you see, the two older jounin were equally drunk and feeling their efforts to keep Sakura's –nonexistent- virtue in tact would slip up any time soon.

Besides, the soused kunoichi's attempts to get a little smoochy with whoever she passed by from her many trips to the bathroom were sorely testing their patience as well.

Yes, Haruno Sakura was known to be a handful when drunk. It was highly unfortunate for those left in charge of her and that tonight just happened to be Hatake Kakashi's turn in the gallows.

After having pried her away from yet another innocent bystander she had unfortunately drunkenly lip assaulted on her way back from the bathroom, Kakashi had headed straight for the door with the out of control woman in tow.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at the leaving pair, his inward words leaking to outer, "He better not-"

"Now, now Naruto," Yamato gently reprimanded, "Would it be that bad if it did?"

With a huff, the blonde looked away, "It might make her happy, but it won't me."

Surprisingly Sai was the one who put him in his place, reminding him, "A true friend should be happy for their friends' happiness."

Naruto growled back, "You're one to talk. Aren't you always taking cheapshots at her?"

Sai smiled, "Yes, but that is because it is fun, not because I disapprove." Still smiling he admitted, sounding slightly like Lee to the other males, "I think given Hatake-san's age, he is an excellent candidate for Sakura's love match."

Naruto quirked a brow highly confused, "How do you mean?"

"It is simple," Sai explained, "He is too old to play games as they say. So if he indeed decides to reciprocate her feelings, we will have at least piece of mind that he will not purposely hurt her. Besides, having known her for as long as he has, if he does harbor feeling of affection for her, then we will know they are true."

"You like her too, don't you?" Yamato shrewdly asked.

Sai, however, didn't' say a word, but only continued to display the upturned lips and creased eyes that always hid his truths.

Naruto's forehead dropped to the sticky table as he pitifully moaned, "It's not fair…" Moaning still, he questioned pathetically, "Why couldn't it be _me_?"

Yamato pat the poor guys head consolingly, hoping that the man and woman in question didn't kill each other in their absence, "There, there now."

* * *

Kakashi cut a look to rear of the snoring woman currently dangling over his right shoulder -slobbering on his back- as he traversed rooftops to get to her apartment, "You don't ever make things easy for me, do you?"

His only answer was a throaty gurgle as more of the passed out kunoichi's spit saturated the back of his vest.

Shaking his head, he sighed with a smile forming on his scarred lips, "But I wouldn't have you any other way I suppose."


	5. You've Got To Be Kidding Me

_Note: So, after writing the last story in this compilation of one-shots and drabbles, I just had to write a little something for a certain part I had mentioned previously. I swear, I just love poking fun at Naruto sometimes and I totally adore Sai. Anyway, hope it makes someone laugh like it did me! :) _

* * *

_**You've Got To Be Kidding Me…**_

"Come on."

"No."

"Come on."

"No."

"_Come on._"

"I said _no_."

Bellowing in her place on the rotted log she and Sai were using as a seat, the pissed off kunoichi provoked, "Come on!" Voice steadily becoming eerily calm, Sakura's eyes slid to slits with her tone matching her moonlighted, pissed off features, "You know you owe me." Speaking of the one who was busy not participating in their conversation, Sakura threw in, "Besides, _Sai_ doesn't seem to have a problem with it."

Naruto eyed the only one of the three who didn't reek of alcohol with the firelight reflecting in his clearly unimpressed and rather glazed over eyes, "Of course _he_ doesn't." Shaking his head, arms crossed over his orange and black clad chest on the other side of the campfire, the kyuubi-container reiterated firmly, "I don't care. I'm not doing it!"

The usually easy-going blonde was seriously starting to get really irritated, the kunoichi having pestered him all the way to their newfound campsite for the night –their original sleeping place having been within fully furnished mansion walls…that just so happened to be a few feet away.

The kunoichi in the last remnants of a torn, shimmering, silver, cocktail dress didn't deter, however. Choosing to pull out the big guns instead, the twenty four year old woman with only one frayed strap now holding up her tattered rag smirked. Sakura had a secret weapon stashed in her bra alright.

Knowing Naruto like she did, Sakura had been keeping it there in case it was ever needed for occasions such as the one she currently found herself in. She was just glad it hadn't gotten damaged like the rest of her attire as she and her two boys had been bodily dragged from their client's premises prior.

She had planned to give the preferred item to him for his birthday at the end of the week, but the idea to do it now was just too delicious to pass up. So, whipping out a voucher for free ramen at Ichiraku for an entire year –that she had surprisingly won from one of the restaurant's past promotional events, the smug woman leered under the night's sky, "What if I said I'd let you have this if you did?"

That got Naruto's attention alright. The eighteen year old blonde almost frothed at the mouth, eyes wide as saucers. Almost immediately Sakura found her more times than not annoying best friend sitting next to her on the piece of timber, his half shadowed form all ready to compromise.

Eyes glued to the red and white slip of paper, Naruto dazedly asked, drool already sliding down the corner of his slightly chapped lips, "So, what do I gotta do again?"

Sakura laughed, having way too much fun watching his pupils swing back and forth –like a pendulum- in his head as she waved the paper in front of his face, "All you have to do is," Her lips twisted into a vicious grin during the small, purposeful pause, "_kiss _Sai."

The Hokage-wanna-be's shoulders slumped, eyes drooping as he stared at the voucher scornfully.

He couldn't believe the woman he still held a torch for wanted him to kiss another guy –and Sai at that! And to top things off, she was using his greatest weakness against him to boot. It just wasn't fair in his book. Naruto was starting to wish that he had never previously taunted her for being the lip-locked victim of their surprisingly fully _lesbian_ host.

The official they had been sent to guard for the past four days had prepared a lavish _Thank You Dinner_ for her three treasured bodyguards that night -before their return journey home set for the next day. Actually, it was more like an elaborate scheme to get the only female of the group prettied up and completely trashed so that the older woman could have her way with her.

Unfortunately for the misguided debutante, the kunoichi's mentor happened to be Tsunade-sama –a woman who could easily drink most men under the table. That trait, among many more, being passed down to her favorite little apprentice, Sakura hadn't fallen in to the woman's carefully laid scheming. Nor did the medical kunoichi falter under the sleeping pill that the woman had crushed and slipped into a drink she had procured especially for her deadly, yet curvaceous target.

However, Naruto's own faulty actions later lead to Sakura's downfall …and their eviction. Much like some nameless academy student in his own days of old, he had accidently backed into an unawares Sakura whose stance was already wobbly from the drink. Needless to say, the refined redhead's like painted lips found his female best friend's as she all but pitched forward into her.

Narrow inwardly shook his head at the way the elated ruby eyed harpy had immediately latched onto Sakura, her polished claws having wrapped around the stunned kunoichi's momentarily lax arms.

Naruto's brow began to visibly sweat as he also thought upon the way Sakura had valiantly struggled for breath during the latter part of the kiss -her opened mouth having been immediately assaulted upon trying to pull away and speak.

It pretty much went without saying that the moment Sakura did pry herself loose from that horny middle-aged hell, she had responded accordingly.

Naruto knew he hadn't been the only one wincing the moment blue chakra engulfed his angry teammate's fists moments before she had sent her assaulter screaming and careening through three palace walls. Nor was he the only one who had tried to drag her off the bloodied stump of a woman after the kunoichi had promptly jumped on top of her and began bashing her would-be-molester from within an inch of her life.

Needless to say, their pay for the mission had been instantly revoked and their things -along with their bodies- thrown off the property. Thus, here they were bedding down under the starry sky mere feet away from those comfy beds he had been so hoping to sleep in again.

Naruto's scowl rightfully turned mournful.

So, it went without saying that his Sakura-chan now expected some sort of comeuppance from the pitiful fool, having deeming the whole traumatic episode entirely the kyuubi-contianer's fault.

_Why does my punishment have to fit the crime here?_ Naruto inwardly moaned.

Blue eyes flicked to smiling dark brown, his scowl instantly reappearing.

_Damn that Sai! _

He didn't understand why in the hell the idiot had brought up the idea in the first place.

Yeah, sure the ink-user had only vaguely mentioned forming a compromise of sorts between the faulty blonde and the outraged kunoichi. And, no, he hadn't said anything _close_ to resembling the t_wo of them _sucking face, but _come on_! He and Sai were the only males around! Naruto wished the slightly feminine bastard had kept his big trap shut! It was common knowledge that Sakura was into _that_ sort of thing, having seen her reaction to Konohamaru's male on male sexy no jutsu in their teens and later having stumbled upon the woman's own erotic comic collection stuffed between her mattresses.

Naruto shivered, remembering a certain hand-drawn scene of debauchery involving two male ninjas, a certain wood technique and …the hilt of a sword. He had thought it was a training manual –the one she had asked him to pick up from her room when he was visiting that one time. But _no_! He had come so close to scooping out his own eyes with a kunai just for the sake of his sanity and rightfully hadn't looked at a sword in the same way -nor been able to look Yamato in the face for the weeks following.

Inwardly, Naruto digressed. This _was_ free ramen he was talking about here –for a whole year! The drool began to formulate in his watering mouth again at the prospect.

The truth was he had a mistress and she was made of noodlely goodness. Naruto just _couldn't_ say no.

After a mighty long drawn out sigh, his resolve finally crumbled.

Mournful and oh so defeated, Naruto whined exasperated, "Alright, _geez_!" Male pride visible, the heterosexual male shivered out, giving the now excited kunoichi a peculiar look, "I still don't know what you get out of seeing two guys kissing. It friggen creeps me out!"

Sakura pat his shoulder consolingly; her wide-set smile, nor her words matching her actions, "Don't knock it till you try it!"

"Easy for you to say, Sakura-chan," The young blonde sighed yet again, before growling perturbed, "You're a girl!"

Sai, having said nothing during the entire exchange, finally spoke up, "You know, if it would make you feel less uncomfortable, you can henge into your usual female form if you'd like, Naruto."

Sakura snorted as Naruto blanched, "Nothing can make me feel any better about this. Nothing!" Shaking his head, he added under his breath, "Besides, being a chick would just make it even _weirder_."

Sakura, eager to get the show on the road, waved the prize in front of Naruto's face, "So, you gonna do this or what?"

Naruto brushed her off as he stood, "Yeah, yeah. Keep your panties on!" Turning to the seated participant, he growled expectantly, "Well, you gonna get up or what?"

Sai easily pushed up from his seat, ever blank look lighting his pale face, "If I must."

As soon as he stood, he immediately stepped into Naruto's personal bubble intent to get the sordid ordeal over with.

Naruto on the other hand had other ideas. Holding up his hands, pushing Sai back, he bellowed, "Hey, _Hey_! _What_ are you _doing_?"

Sai backed off with a ting of confusion seeping into his otherwise emotionless face, "I was going to kiss you."

Naruto crossed his arms, chest puffing out pompously, "Uh, _no_. If I have to kiss another guy, _I'm_ gonna be the one calling the shots here." Cheeks heating at his own candid speech, his words began to stutter, "S-So y-you just stand there and take it, y-you hear me?"

Sai just stood there impassively, letting slip a bland, "Whatever," as a warm night breeze blew through the fire-lit area -a few strands of his layered hair dancing in the wind.

Finally, after a silent pep-talk, Naruto began to trudge forward; his sandaled feet shuffling in the dirt and grass below like a man being carted off to the gallows. He didn't want to do this. He _seriously_ didn't want to do this. But for the sake of free ramen _for a year_… he _had _to do this!

The resigned blonde stepped into Sai's personal space, letting out a breath as he forced himself to look into the other's unmoved eyes. Then his arms rose, firmly clapping the other man on the shoulders with calloused hands. Staring hard into the pale features of his teammate, Naruto's brow began to perspire as his hands began to shake. He desperately fought back the flushing pink of his tan skin as inward, self-inspiring words began to filter in his ears.

I can do this.

This is no big deal.

This doesn't mean I'm gay!

Just… that I really like ramen…

_Just… picture him as Sakura-chan…_

Sakura continued to watch from her seated position, finding the display almost laughable... if she wasn't sitting on pins and needles waiting for a little male on male contact to start. She had left her copy of _Shinobi Love_ at home and rightfully needed her fix. The two men before her weren't set to her usual hand-drawn tastes: boyish good looks with feminine hips and sexy glares, but Sakura inwardly shrugged - looking over her two teammates who were currently imitating the start of a death match of sorts. _They'll have to do._

Naruto had his own internal thoughts still flowing.

I can do this…

I can do this.

I can really do this!

Sai's lips quirked into that insufferable false smile he hated with a passion and Naruto felt his head hanging, a moan already slipping through the cracks of his trembling lips, "I really _can't_ do this..."

Sakura booed from the peanut gallery, arms crossed and highly disappointed, "Oh come on you big baby! It's just a kiss." Nose scrunched in revulsion, she helpfully reminded, "Isn't that what you told _me_?"

Naruto, nerves too frazzled to care, yelled back, "Then you kiss him!"

Sakura raised a pink brow, "So, you're saying you actually want me to kiss Sai?"

Naruto paled, quickly retracting his statement, "Gods no!"

"Then _you_ kiss him," Sakura smirked.

"Damn it!" Naruto squeezed his eyes shut; chin slumping to his heavily breathing chest, "_Alright, alright._" Sucking in a breath he threw his back and slapped his cheeks, prepping himself. After Shaking his arms and neck like jelly and finally stilling, he reprimanded the other male who found his actions humorous, "Stop smiling damn it! It's not helping!"

Sai complied quietly; his features easily relaxing back into that emotionless void.

Body finally stilling again, Naruto sucked in a calming breath and then exhaled it with his eyes closed. A slight breeze rustled the trees around them as silence abounded for a moment.

And then…

Naruto's eyes snapped open with a fierce determination.

One moment, Sai was just standing there. In the next, he was being forcefully bent backward as Naruto's arms tightly enclosed around him; the blonde's mouth crashing down upon his own. It was a bruising, wet, sloppy kiss that Sai had definitely _not _been expecting, nor had he readied himself for.

Jaw unhinged, eyes wide, Sakura sat there completely dumbfounded as Naruto practically swallowed Sai's face whole. The kiss was more comical than the sexy bit of erotica she had been hoping for; it holding more similarity to those cartoons Naruto always rushed to turn off -whenever she came by to pick him up for a mission or have him take her out to eat.

After overcoming his initial shock at being manhandled so, Sai finally decided to actively participate –wanting to use this chance to further his research into the physical aspect of relationships. Truth be told, it was his whole reasoning for not protesting. Yes, Naruto was a fellow male, but Sai wasn't one to nitpick the small stuff.

He had his reasons. For you see, Sakura had explained to him a few months before that forcing a kiss on someone who didn't want it was actually called sexual harassment and could lead to serious punishment by the authorities. Of course that was said after she had exacted her own form of physical punishment on the trigger happy, highly naïve assaulter…after the fact.

Truth be told, Yamanaka Ino was the only female who showed interest in him –and who hadn't been scared away by his usual offbeat behavior. But, unfortunately for the flower shop owner, Sai would rather kiss the man he was currently lip to lip with than the one whose shrill cry of, "Oh my god!" could break glass from a mile away.

Needless to say, the moment Naruto felt his feverish advances being returned, something strange stirred deep within his sealed belly. And it was that particular feeling that made him finally pull away from the kiss, his mouth leaving Sai's with an audible _pop_.

Immediately turning away and vehemently wiping his tongue with the tail end of his shirt, he angrily stomped away with an _ew face_ splattered all over his disgusted features, "Friggen _Yuck_! I hope your happy, Sakura-chan!"

Wide-set grin plastered all over her face, Sakura nodded, "That I am, Naruto. That I am."

It hadn't been the earth-shattering experience she had been hoping for, but it had been the pride wounding experience she felt Naruto had rightfully deserved.

Sai wiped his mouth with the back of a gloved fist, black hair mused from the tan hands that had somehow -during the sordid exchange- found their way into it.

Sakura laughed, getting up to fix the poor shinobi's _doo_ while speaking over her shoulder to the one currently crawling into his and the other male's thankfully packed pop-tent for the night, "You know, no one specified the use of _tongue_, Naruto."

The blonde male in question growled back, now surrounded in darkness and hidden from view, "Yeah, well," He paused, before irritably exploding, "When I do something, you _know _I don't half-ass it!"

Sakura giggled while continuing to flatten her friends mused hair with spit and her smoothing fingers, "_Apparently_."

"Shut up, I'm going to sleep!" Naruto admonished as he turned his back to his two teammates' shadowed forms being cast on the tarp-like material from the nearby campfire.

Sakura wickedly turned her attention back to the dark haired man under her helpful ministrations, asking an airily, "So, how was it?"

Sai responded simply, allowing the female of the group to primp his tangled follicles to her heart's content, "I suppose like a human being kissed by a fish," Raising a brow, he mused with a smile, "If that even makes sense."

Sakura shook her head, finally retracting her touch to cross her arms with a grin, "When talking about Naruto, I'm _sure it does_."

Naruto, lying sprawled out on his back with that earlier warm feeling lingering in his belly, grumbled unheard, "Stupid Sai and that _stupid_ kiss…"

Exasperated, he rolled over, face smooshed into the pack he was using as a pillow -hands trapped between his body over the unwanted reaction in his pants.

_Settle down, damn it! I ain't gay!_


	6. Trick or Treat

_*Note: This was a failed idea I had for a Halloween Challenge, but I decided to post it anyway. I thought it was funny. :) It has implied KakaSaku if you squint at it just right. As for spoilers, I mention Naruto's mom and dad vaguely in a sentence or two but I don't use any names. So its not much of a spoiler. _

* * *

_**Trick or Treat**_

Bony, skeletal hands seemed to reach out to Uzumaki Naruto on all sides, their base unseen beneath the mass of overgrown thicket on the sides of the road.

"D-Does anyone else feel like the trees are g-gonna come alive and," An audible gulp, "Try to eat us?" A eighteen year old young blonde male shivered, eyes shifting nervously from left to right underneath the tall canopy of darkened trees on either side of the overgrown pathway.

Sai, bits of exposed, pale skin gleaming under the shimmering moonlight, merely shook his head as the woman on the other side of Naruto hit the Hokage-wanna-be in the head with a gloved fist yelling, "Idiot! Keep that mess to yourself!"

Sakura wasn't one normally prone to irrational fear. However, the vaporous fog rolling beneath their feet, from the nearby lake they were passing, did add an eerie ambience to their already creepy surroundings. The kunoichi couldn't wait until they finally reached their destination –that being the Village of Silent Mountain.

Naruto rubbed his raw spot, momentarily forgetting about his anxiety, as Sakura continued to bristle next to him –anger hiding her own apprehension.

Eyes watering, the Kyuubi-container scowled putting a little bit of space between himself and the kunoichi known to put the hurt on him –unconsciously gravitating inches closer to the blank faced ink-user.

Their two leaders continued to trudge behind them, silent as ever, except for the occasional sniffle, cough, wheeze, or sneeze coming from the one _not_ wearing a mask.

Yamato, having the flue, hadn't wanted to come on the mission of sorts in the first place, but the iron fist of the Godaime had told him otherwise.

Truth be told, Naruto hadn't wanted to come on the mission either, seeing it as a bad omen on the night where the living was suppose to celebrate the dead.

Besides, every year Konoha held a festival in honor of the dearly departed for shinobi and civilian alike; the celebration a grand event full of paper lanterns, hand painted masks, frying food and little stalls with fun little games. Of course, this was all done _after_ the initial ceremonial grave-marker lighting.

To be the one to light a candle for the father he had never met was an honor indeed to the young man. The orphaned youth just wished his mother had been buried there as well. However, that never stopped the ambitious son from lighting a second candle in her honor. Besides, everyone knew that the stone markers, like most of the plaques scattered across the Konoha cemetery, did not house a body beneath its earthen surface. Not all bodies being recoverable, the flower laden coffins were usually filled with mementos –items cherished by those still remaining.

Naruto kicked a rock with the toe of a black sandal, thoughts taking a turn towards melancholy.

_At least Baa-chan let us stay for the lighting._

Never one to let things keep him down for long, the youth brightened. And then went right back to morose as he thought about the busty woman who had all but kicked him out of her office just hours prior.

The one he was always comparing to the Third –against the other's wishes mind you- hadn't of been merciful. Of course, Naruto felt that the old bag never was, at least not when it came to him and the members of his five man team. The young shinobi just knew the Godaime had a personal fetish for ruining his plains. He just couldn't understand why…

Sakura eyed the kyuubi-container out of the corner of her eye while huffing inwardly.

_If it wasn't for you and your stupid pranks, we wouldn't be out here missing all the fun, you stupid brat!_

Sakura was suitably pissed, having dropped a large sum of money on a new summer kimono she would no longer be showing off that night. Eyebrows knitted and a lip curled as her inner self crossly lamented.

_And this was the year I was going to put that damn blonde pig with lipstick to shame! _

The kunoichi, having worked herself into a frenzy, verbally wailed on her subject –this time choosing to do so outwardly, "You have no one to blame but yourself, Naruto! This is all your fault! Because you chose to act like an ass last year, Tsunade-sama was oh so quick to pick us for this stupid mission!"

Naruto, affronted, shot back rather incredulously –completely forgetting about the emaciated appendages reaching out to get him, "_What?_" A thumb hooked to the oblivious, half-shirted man beside him. "Hey, this bastard and Kiba were there too you know! How come you're not going all ape-shit on _them_?"

Sakura, homicidal rage all but lighting her body like a candled pumpkin, ground out, "For one, _Kiba isn't here._ For another, I _know_ you." Trying to keep from committing bloody murder, the woman balled her shaking fists, nodding in their third's direction with a tilt of a chin, "He may be a jerk at times, but Sai would never _purposely_ drop his pants in a festival unless _someone_ put the idea in his head in the first place!" Continuing to speak of the man like he wasn't even there, she concluded with a growl, "We all know how impressionable he is! You always take advantage of that!"

Naruto, not bothering to argue that last matter -because it was completely true- managed a smirk, the image of Sai dropping trou in front of Tsunade priceless in his tainted mind. "Hey, you gotta admit, he draws a really good elephant."

Sakura huffed and stalked off further down the road leaving the four men on her squad behind.

A deep, half interested voice spoke up from behind a thick novel, "I heard it was a snake."

Yamato hoarsely rasped with bloodshot eyes, after blowing his runny nose on a pocket hanky, "I heard it was a dog."

Sai, finally adding to the conversation, looked over his shoulder with that false smile they had all come to expect, "Naruto chose the snake and Kiba the dog. Although, I have to say their artistic skills are quite lacking."

Naruto waved him off with a roll of his saphire eyes, "Yeah, yeah. We can't all be so called geniuses with the brush like you. Besides, you have no idea how hard it is to draw on your own-"

"I'd rather stay in the dark about that, thank you." Kakashi intercepted loudly, sparing the rest of their sensitive ears from Naruto's, no doubt, lengthy and graphic explanation.

The orange and black clad man in front crossed his arms, grumpily looking away as Sai just gave him that insufferable smile again from the side.

As the silence lingered on to several minutes, Naruto's nerves began to get the better of him as the darkened forest around them took on an ominous air again. Trying to overcome his holiday induced paranoia; the edgy shinobi began his usual mindless chatter –to the great annoyance of the others around him, "S-So, where are we going again?"

A loud, "_Achoo!_" almost made Naruto's skin jump off his bones, the one with a cold speaking up behind his cherished rag, "You should really learn to listen during the briefing, Naru-" Another sneeze broke Yamato's haggard speech.

Trying to still his body from visibly shaking, Naruto bellowed over a shoulder, irritated, "Would you stop doing that!" Turning forward again, he shivered almost comically, "Geez…"

Kakashi, in a rare show of involvement, chastised, "You should be more civil, Naruto. Considering that it _is_ your fault that Tenzou is here and not at home resting."

Yamato, watery eyes almost glimmering with open admiration, turned to his superior while still wiping his dripping _faucet_, "T-Tank goo, Sempai."

Kakashi looked away from the man, who quite frankly looked like this forest could be his final resting place –a chill running down his spine. A flat, "Mm," was hummed as the Copy Ninja went back to his pages -trying not to shiver.

Naruto's chin fell a few inches, still facing forward, as he grumbled his apology, the truth of Kakashi's words hitting home like a kick to the stomach, "S-Sorry, Yamato-Taichou."

He knew exactly why the Godaime hadn't issued the man confined to his bed for the next few days. It was in fact because of himself or more precisely the nine-tailed demon inside him. If things should get out of hand and the wood-user wasn't there… Well, he'd end up going all kyuubi on their asses and no one would be safe.

Yamato coughed, producing a small, round bottle from a pants pocket, "Eh, things could be worse," Another cough, "At least Tsunade-sama was nice enough to supply me with some meds."

Kakashi lowered his book looking over to the man popping a brown round capsule into his mouth. "Careful, too many soldier pills can make you fat."

The suffering man countered, "Weight be damned. I don't want to know what it feels like without them."

Naruto spoke up as the four men came upon their stopped fifth, her body shadowed as she stood at the grassy edge of the road, "Something wrong Sakura-chan?"

The kunoichi held up a hand, wordlessly and rather irritably signaling for silence as she whipped out a kunai in her other. Immediately, the rest of the party went into combat mode, their own weapons being drawn, standing shoulder to shoulder in a tight circular formation around her.

Silently eyes scanned the area, muscles primed for action of any kind.

Kakashi hissed the woman's name, not recognizing any chakra signatures nor spotting anything out of the ordinary around them, "Sakura?"

The kunoichi, steady gaze still looking into the dense wooded area beyond, relaxed her posture, stowing the brandished weapon away in the pouch resting on her lower back. Her voice was steady and resolute as she explained, "Something moved in there and it wasn't an animal. It definitely had a human silhouette."

Naruto, not liking the sound of such spooky things, interjected, "B-But I don't feel anything."

Sakura nodded her head, eyes still glued to the spot she had last seen movement from, "I know. And that's what I don't understand."

The female shinobi took a step into the underbrush, intent to take a closer look when an ironclad grip latched onto her left wrist.

Incredulously, Naruto stammered, keeping her in place, "W-Where are you going?"

"I'll be right back!" Sakura hissed, the hold on her arm not breaking.

"No you're not!" Naruto admonished, "Don't you know that those are the last words a person ever says after they go," Two fingers came up in quotation marks, "_check something out_?"

Yamato managed a chuckle though a wheeze, "O-k, that's the last time I let you three have a horror movie marathon at my place."

Sai nodded, "Yes. It seems to have rotted what was left of his brain."

Kakashi, pronounced slouch back in its place, commented dryly to the wood-user beside him, "I told you that was a bad idea."

Yamato irritably shot his leader a perturbed look, "That's funny coming from someone who didn't even _show up_."

Kakashi laughed the man's words off with a hand scratching the back of his wild hair, "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" He ended the farce with a little cough into a hand.

Yamato just rolled his bloodshot eyes.

Sakura finally snatched her arm out of her scared teammate's grasp. Angry, she crossed her limbs, "Well, does that mean that you'll go instead? Someone's gotta check it out." The corner of her mouth twitched upward as she took a poke at his manhood, "Or are you too _chicken_?"

Naruto, never one to back down from a challenge –even though he was scared shitless- pompously retorted, "Of course I'll go!" Grabbing Sai's sleeve, he added as he quickly stomped through the brush with the ink-user in tow, "But he's coming with me!"

"Naruto-" Sai began.

Unfortunately, his rebuttal was cut short as the other continued to curtly pull him along, grumbling, "Shut up, strength in numbers and all that!"

Resigned to his fate, Sai merely plodded along after with a smile.

Kakashi leaned over to the watchful kunoichi, speaking behind his ink-filled treasure, "You didn't really see anything did you?"

Sakura shook her head with a vicious grin, feeling so much better about their situation already, "Not a thing." Turning to Yamato, who was already shaking his head behind his hanky, she asked smugly, "Care to play along?"

The man, who looked like death-warmed-over, managed to crack a watery-eyed smile.

Sure. It wasn't _really_ Naruto's fault that he had been forced out of his bed after leaking from the nose and…_other places_…

But then again, it _was_.

Sakura crossed her arms and leaned into Kakashi's side.

Just as Yamato's hands went into seals beside them, Kakashi gave the young woman an eye-crease with his thoughts turning tender.

_I always knew she was the smart one._

* * *

"Is it not usually the female who clings to the male in these types of situations?" Sai innocently commented, eyeing the death-grip his teammate still had on his sleeve. With a glimpse of a true smile, he asked, "Or is this your way of confessing to the validity of a certain stack of photos the Yamanaka woman has?"

Naruto immediately let go, clearly regretting his hasty choice in partner, "Zip it, you bastard."

_I should have grabbed Kakashi-sensei. At least he'd mock me silently._

Then thinking of a certain flower shop owner Naruto's scowl deepened as he trudged forward.

Bristling at Ino and Sakura's little photo collection of drunken males in rather…_inappropriate_ and carefully arranged positions, the peeved ninja growled, "I told you before. I _don't _swing that way!" Coming close to the spot where Sakura had said she had seen something, he grumbled, speaking of two particular kunoichi with a fascination with male on male…_bonding_, "I don't understand how you haven't been blackmailed yet by the _Gruesome Twosome_."

Sai's lips lifted, voice spilling with just a hint of laughter, "Because I do not _drink_. Alcohol consumption is the greatest shinobi downfall."

"Only if you abuse it." Naruto countered.

"To which you and your friends tend to do on a regular basis," Sai smirked.

Naruto sighed, having forgotten all about his trepidation in lue of the other man's absurdity, "You know, they're _your _friends too now. I mean, come on, it's been three years." Blue eyes rolled, "Eh, never mind." Shrugging, he added tiredly, "You move at your own pace. Besides, you still haven't caught on that Ino's gone all gaga over you." Turning around, Naruto assessed with a raised brow, "I just don't see it."

Sai, pushing his way through bushes, commented rather clueless to the other's dig, "Yes, I do not understand her thinking either. I do not see her in that particular light, but she does not seem to understand that as well." Then that condescending smile flashed again, leaving Naruto bristling, "Although, I can see why I would be chosen over certain dickless candidates."

Naruto huffed, "Whatever. As long as Sakura-chan doesn't start turning on the old googolly eyes on you, like she used to do Sasuke, then I don't care who Ino falls all over!"

Sai's, blank faced, shrugged, "No, that is not something that is likely to happen."

A grand grin spread across Naruto's face, eating up the other's own troublesome relationship with a certain pink haired demon in little black shorts. "_Good!_"

A bush moved in front of them.

"What the hell was that?" Naruto hissed, wide-eyed, whipping a kunai into each hand as he stood ready for battle.

Sai, much the same, stared at the moving bush silently.

Suddenly, the clumped foliage parted and a hideous moss covered…_thing_ stepped out from the shadows. Bark and leaf covered limbs reached out with the mouth in the center mass of its body stretched wide in a hoarse roar, a certain shinobi's name spilling from its thorny lips, "Naruuuuuuutoooooo!"

Dropping like a rock in water, the shinobi who said he was to be the next Hokage, the very ninja who said he was always up for any challenge, the loud mouthed brat who said he would always be number one…_fainted_…with a suspicious sound being emitted from somewhere on his person.

Sai put his weapons away as the _thing _before him dissolved back into the ground just as footsteps and laughter neared through the brush followed by coughing and wheezing.

"Was that too mu-" A sneeze.

Looking down upon the sheet-white body that seemed to froth at the mouth just so, Sai tilted his head as the smell of something rank came from the carcass below, "I believe so."

Kakashi, ever so thankful for his mask, and Sakura, holding her nose, looked down upon the still form of their teammate with the brown stain saturating the back and sides of his pants, "Oh, that's just _gross_."

Yamato, thankful for his inability to smell in that moment, merely laughed feeling that justice had been severely served.

_**The End**_

* * *

Poor Naruto x3


End file.
